First, thank you all for your sweet words yesterday. It was such a joy for me to share our sweet babies with you.
On the test results front, it seems that no news is – well – no news. I feel so deflated right now, that’s the only way to describe it. Dr. C. was kind as he always is, but I just had so built up this appointment in my head, and it was horribly anticlimactic, to say the least.
I just don’t understand why doctors are so hesitant to give educated guesses. I mean, we don’t go to them for guarantees! I feel like I’m being underestimated – like they don’t trust me to realize that their opinions are just that. But I go to them because they’ve seen this stuff before and I'd like some thoughts on what normally happens. But anyway.
He wouldn’t give us any numbers. Wouldn’t give us any rates of reoccurrence. Despite the fact that my clotting disorder blood tests came back negative now, they were positive while pregnant, so he still feels like the clotting disorders were the root of all this evil.
He said he wouldn't tell us to not try for a family based on my history. (Now, if things go wrong again, then . . .?? Great.) He thinks that if I have a single pregnancy, and if I’m treated with Lovenox, I should have a “successful outcome.” Or maybe he said “an outcome you’ll be happy with.” Something like that.
I tried to pin him down on that – “what does that mean, like, I’ll get to viability?” He said no, better than that. He said that we "should be able to get the picture that we have in our head of our child in kindergarten." O-kaaay.
I tried to get an idea of what the pregnancy would be like. I said, “you know, my bosses will freak if I tell them I’m pregnant again.” To which he responded, “Well, you know, its just a job.” To which *I* responded, “Yes, I know. And B and I are willing to do whatever we need to to make this happen. But I’d like to be prepared: I mean, if you’re telling us there will come a point where I’ll have to be in here every day or in the hospital or whatever, I want to be prepared for that.” To which he responded . . . well, did he even respond? I think he said something like, “no, that’s not what a ‘positive outcome’ looks like to me.” Fine.
I know he can’t give us guarantees. But freakin give us something to go on here! If I’m going to be out of work, we can’t afford the house. That’s fine, we’ll sell the house – just let me know. If we’re going to have a preemie who will be in NICU or can’t be in daycare – again, we’ll be thrilled and will make it work, just let me know. Just let me know if these things are a real enough possibility that it makes sense to plan for them. If it doesn’t happen, even better, but just let me know.
(*I'll* gilve you a guantee, and that's that I'll have high bp if I'm pregnant again, even though I never did last time! Two days ago my bp was 107/73 - today, it was 124/82. Anxious much?)
Ladies, I know everyone's medical history is different, but if you've been through something similar, how did your "going forward" appointment go? How would/did you emotionally and practically prepare?
Oh yeah, and we also asked about Baby B’s heart. He said that since it was most likely a structural defect there’s a 4-5% chance of reoccurrence and that they’d watch very closely for that. Finally. A number. Scheeze :)