Trying to hold ourselves together and find our new normal after loosing our precious twin babies at 20 weeks to HELLP Syndrome.
Baby Boy A and Baby Girl B, conceived after 20 months and IUI plus injectibles; born still on November 12, 2008.

A blog about pregnancy loss and infertility. And whatever comes next. A blog about hanging on together and holding each other up.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Whether it be three days from now, three months from now, or three years from now - Please don't go!

If you found this blog because you're looking for stories or information on infertility, preeclampsia, HELLP Syndrome, clotting disorders, hypolastic left heart syndrome (HLHS), stillbirth, loss, or pregnancy after a loss - please don't go!

I'm not saying that my story is rare or particulary well-written, but it is unique, as they all are. Maybe you could relate to it in some way? Maybe we could help each other?

Until a moment ago this blog had over 200 posts. As you can see, I just deleted nearly all of them - all but a few (which still feel too personal!) that give a snapshot of the facts and contain a few key words, in hopes that you might find me still.

Why the deletion? Well, I was found by someone in real life. Although this blog was public and that has always been a possibility, the knowledge that someone I knew was reading along made me uncomfortable and unable to share fully. So I decided to move and start a private blog elsewhere. I transferred each and every one of my posts to that new blog so that I still have my story intact. Then I realized that the possibility of somone else IRL ever happening upon this space scared me, and therefore I should delete it.

But I didn't want to disappear completely. When I was physically recovering after HELLP Syndrome, and still reeling from the loss of our twins, reading others' stories kept me going. It's how I filled my days, and it's how I began to understand both the emotional and physical aspects of what had happened and what was going on. It made me feel "normal" and it gave me hope.

If you'd like to read my story, please send me an email -

And - I'm sorry. It's most likely some pain that has brought you here and for that -for whatever you are experiencing - I'm sorry.