Trying to hold ourselves together and find our new normal after loosing our precious twin babies at 20 weeks to HELLP Syndrome.
Baby Boy A and Baby Girl B, conceived after 20 months and IUI plus injectibles; born still on November 12, 2008.

A blog about pregnancy loss and infertility. And whatever comes next. A blog about hanging on together and holding each other up.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

IF YOU ARE READING THIS!

Whether it be three days from now, three months from now, or three years from now - Please don't go!

If you found this blog because you're looking for stories or information on infertility, preeclampsia, HELLP Syndrome, clotting disorders, hypolastic left heart syndrome (HLHS), stillbirth, loss, or pregnancy after a loss - please don't go!

I'm not saying that my story is rare or particulary well-written, but it is unique, as they all are. Maybe you could relate to it in some way? Maybe we could help each other?

Until a moment ago this blog had over 200 posts. As you can see, I just deleted nearly all of them - all but a few (which still feel too personal!) that give a snapshot of the facts and contain a few key words, in hopes that you might find me still.

Why the deletion? Well, I was found by someone in real life. Although this blog was public and that has always been a possibility, the knowledge that someone I knew was reading along made me uncomfortable and unable to share fully. So I decided to move and start a private blog elsewhere. I transferred each and every one of my posts to that new blog so that I still have my story intact. Then I realized that the possibility of somone else IRL ever happening upon this space scared me, and therefore I should delete it.

But I didn't want to disappear completely. When I was physically recovering after HELLP Syndrome, and still reeling from the loss of our twins, reading others' stories kept me going. It's how I filled my days, and it's how I began to understand both the emotional and physical aspects of what had happened and what was going on. It made me feel "normal" and it gave me hope.

If you'd like to read my story, please send me an email - littlebluebirdsfly@gmail.com.

And - I'm sorry. It's most likely some pain that has brought you here and for that -for whatever you are experiencing - I'm sorry.

14 comments:

niobe said...

sigh. great idea, though.

m said...

oh blue, I am so happy you are still here. And yes, please, on your story. I'd love to know how you are.

AnGèLe said...

Ugh so sorry that you had to switch all your posts over! I wish you the best and hope to still be able to follow your story!

Maggie said...

You know I'm still here! :) And I have to catch up on your posts too! xo

Michele said...

What a sweet note!

Marie W said...

I have been meaning o email you! Just could not get around to it. So sorry that you had to go private, but I understand. my e-mail address is marierumble@aol.com

Kami said...

I'm always here!!!!

Kami

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Sign me up. You know who I am. :)

rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

If you don't want people to read have a private journel

Indian Home Maker said...

True... my pain at the loss of my 19 year old daughter on Aug 11 2010 brought me here. You are right, this is how I fill my days and feel 'normal'... Thank You for letting this blog stay here.

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Dorothy said...

i think your recent posts give people hope. you got pregnant naturally after all you've been through! hope is sometimes the best medicine. (SOMETIMES.)

crazywithtwins said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I found your post as I just blogged my own story about my HELLP Syndrome 3 months ago. I feel so very blessed that me and my twins were lucky enough to survive. I cannot begin to imagine your heartache. You are so brave for sharing your story. I'm really glad to see you were able to conceive a little boy after your ordeal. I'm too scared to have any more but know I'm really really lucky with the children I have.