"If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh why can't I?"
Trying to hold ourselves together and find our new normal after loosing our precious twin babies at 20 weeks to HELLP Syndrome.
Baby Boy A and Baby Girl B, conceived after 20 months and IUI plus injectibles; born still on November 12, 2008.
A blog about pregnancy loss and infertility. And whatever comes next. A blog about hanging on together and holding each other up.
There's no real answer. Somehow "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" has kind of become the Babies' song.
I remember when we opened their memory packets and saw their little gowns. . . Then I folded them up to return to the packets, with so much care, and I started humming this part of the song: "If happy little bluebirds fly. . ." It was as if I were any other mother, lovingly folding her little ones' clothes. Perhaps I momentarily forgot that I was folding clothes for babies who weren't here.
Of course, it must be more than a pretty tune. One can't deny a possible subliminal draw to the wistfulness of the song. After all, if there really is this place over the rainbow where skies are blue and dreams come true, and if happy little bluebirds really can fly over said rainbow, then indeed -why, oh why can't I?
Just a girl, married to a boy – the one who makes me laugh and holds me up; the love of my life. Desprately missing our Baby Boy A and Baby Girl B, born at 20 weeks on November 12, 2008. Joyfully celebrating their little brother, born healthy on March 12, 2010.
Trying to make sense of the past, deal with the present, and figure out the future amidst infertility, early onset HELLP Syndrome (a severe variant of preeclampsia), and clotting disorders.