Say It With A Song

I had to make about an hour drive for work first thing this morning. While that is definitely not my favorite time of day, I did find the alone time to be oddly satisfying. I even – gasp! – dug out my ipod and decided to listen to music! Those who have been reading for a while know that I have been anti-music since losing the twins, claiming that it makes me feel too much.

Well, this morning I felt like I a) wanted to sing at the top of my lungs, and b) wanted to go old school. Soooo, I’m rather ashamed to say, I set my ipod to play by artist and went to the Dixie Chicks. (I know, I know!, Don’t judge! I was totally reliving my high school here :))

Well, we (and by “we” I mean my ipod and I) started out with one or two rousing, older numbers the names of which I am not, in fact, willing to confess here. Then I got brave. . .

First I stumbled upon one that made me think of all the recent drama with our families (although a little strongly worded, even for stubborn ole' me!):

Forgive, sounds good/ Forget, I'm not sure I could/ They say time heals everything/ But I'm still waiting *** I'm not ready to make nice/ I'm not ready to back down/ I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time/ To go round and round and round/ It's too late to make it right/ I probably wouldn't if I could/ Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself/ To do what it is you think I should.

Then came one which is actually about a couple struggling with their relationship, but the sweet chorus made me think of my B anyway:

(Baby, hold on)/ Let's start this over/ (Baby, hold on)/ We're not much older now/ (Baby, hold on)/ If you still see what I see/ Keep holding on/ Hold on to me

Or this one:

I believe in love, I believe in love/ Love that's real, love that's strong/ Love that lives on and on/ Yes I believe in love

I replayed “Not ready to make nice”, just because, man, was I a rock star on that one! (If B’s reading this he just spit out his coffee! I can’t carry a tune to save my life!)

Then, by the time the return trip home was almost over, I was brave enough to click over to “So Hard.” Written by sisters Martie and Emily about their struggles with infertility, it’s a song I’ve purposefully avoided for, oh, three years now:

It felt like a given/ Something a woman's born to do/ A natural ambition/ To see a reflection of me and you/ And I'd feel so guilty/ If that was a gift I couldn't give/ And could you be happy/ If life wasn't how we pictured it? ***It's so hard when it doesn't come easy/ It's so hard when it doesn't come fast/ It's so hard when it doesn't come easy/ So hard.

Finally, I returned to the rousing, oldest-of-the-old-school numbers as I pulled in to the parking garage, just to end my set on a high note ;)

Just in case you were wondering how I spent my morning!


Edited to clarify: I was wrong, it wasn't high school, it was college - COLLEGE!!!